Petsitter
by Chronos Astral
Summary: Oneshot Haseo never liked taking care of them. They were way too troublesome to deal with. Especially that one that wanted to kill him. Or the one that accused him of attracting 'her Master En' with his wily charms.


Disclaimer: I do not own .hack GU

_**"The Petsitter"  
**__by Chronos Astral_

* * *

_There was something... 'wrong' about this..._

"If ever she starts missing me, just give her some company. Hugs do wonders." Ovan said to me, handing me the leash with a gentle smile.

_Very wrong..._

"Make sure she takes her baths twice a day. Scratch her behind the ears if ever she gets too excited." Said Sakisaka, bestowing another leash upon me and grinning as if a terrible weight had been lifted of his shoulders.

_And really stupid..._

"Do pay attention to her if ever she feels lonely. She has a bothersome knack to fall into depression if you fail to do so..." With a relieved sigh, Sakaki tossed the leash at me.

_Yet..._

"She needs to be groomed every two to three hours. I trust you can do that, Haseo?" Yata said smugly, the system admin dropping the next leash into my encumbered hands.

_Somehow..._

"She might get a bit competitive with the others for favoritism. She's rather persistent that way." Sirius gazed at me with a hint of pity as his own leash joined the rest in my hands.

_I've..._

"Be watchful, love. She is ever so moody when I'm not around. Her brother might be able to quell her anger a bit, though I'm sure your charm will be enough to soothe her, Haseo..." I shudder as Endrance took my forearm and put the leash in my hand whilst unnecessarily rubbing his hand with my own for far too long. I withdraw my hand away before I shuddered in discomfort.

_Been dragged..._

"Mine can clean after herself, Haseo! No worries!" Zelkova chirped happily as he handed me his leash. I could see he was both reluctant and somewhat relieved to part with her.

_Into this..._

"Haha! Take care of her! :)" The looming beast form of Gabi laughed and forcefully shoved the leash into my hands. If I were to have felt that action in real-life, it'd probably hurt like hell.

_Heaping..._

"Keep her away from anything 'Edge'-related. Do not hesitate to incapacitate her if ever she flies into a homicidal rampage over it." Said a male Twin Blade that I've... never met before! What the hell!? But he seems strangely familiar in a way... perhaps because he strongly resembles Tri-Edge – err... Azure Kite.

_Mess._

"Thanks, Haseo!" They all said in union as they walked away, leaving me to deal with their... pets.

Atoli and Alkaid proceeded to fight over my right leg, snarling at each other like rapid canines. Tabby languidly crawled unto my other leg and rubbed her cheek on my knee like the cat-like creature she was. Pi started to list off the things she needed for her proper 'grooming', which included expensive shampoo, skin moisturizer, soap, what have you. (Old hag...) Saku, peeved that Endrance was leaving without her and blaming me for it, proceeded to chomp on my free hand with vigor. (Let me point out again how much it would have hurt if I were to have actually felt it) Bordeaux starts ranting on and on about how she was only doing this so she could PK me easier and it had _absolutely nothing_ to with wanting to get closer to me (Whatever that means...). Natsume was mumbling to herself about a supposed weapon called 'Tri-Edge' that she'd heard of in the forums. Shino and Kaede were at least tolerable, if not too helpful as the former laid her head in my shoulder (n-not that I enjoyed it that much mind you! they're only virtual characters damnit!) and the latter simply stood at my side, smiling reassuringly.

_Screw this!_

I stomped and screamed at them. "I'm not your damn petsitter you bastards!!" Thusly, I brandished my dual guns and proceeded to open fire on their asses, laughing maniacally as they run and scream and jump like the pansies they are.

What? They deserve it! Well except maybe Zelkova, but I swear the kid stalks me a lot.

It was around that time that Kuhn happened to warp in to witness the carnage. He regarded me and my 'company' with both respect and jealousy.

"Damn. Looks like I've got some competition." Kuhn grinned at me as if he'd found a rival in his eternal endeavor to win the heart of all females.

"You make your master proud, my student!" Gah!? Antares!? When'd he get here!?

"I'm not your student damnit!"

"Haseo, you like me better, right?" Atoli whined as she pushed forcefully pushed Alkaid's face.

"No way! I'm your favorite, right!? Right!?" Alkaid pushed back, scuffling about my leg with Atoli putting up a rather decent fight.

"Give Master En back!!"

"Scratch my ears, Haseo!"

"Fight me, Haseo!"

"Tri-Edge!"

"- I'll also need Asian Mangoes. They _absolutely __**must**_ be Asian and-"

"Haseo, are you okay?"

"Master Haseo?"

...

_**Snap!**_

_**"SKEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIITHHH!!"**_

And everyone screamed in terror of their imminent death.

Forgive the pun.

* * *

_A/N_

Something completely random that came off the top of my head. It's just that I've noticed that almost all the girls that join Haseo's team were at first serving/fawning over/following a previous 'master', of sorts before they were given up to Haseo.

Ovan – Shino  
Sakisaka – Tabby  
Sakaki – Atoli  
Yata – Pi  
Endrance – Saku  
Zelkova – Kaede

I'm not too sure about Sirius and Alkaid or Kite and Natsume (for those of you who didn't figure it out at first). Sirius and Alkaid just seem like friends to me. From what I've heard, Natsume has a terrible crush on Kite, so it sort of counts.

For those among you who are terribly angry at my lack of updates lately, I truly and humbly apologize. I've been having terrible writer's block lately, born mostly from laziness and a lack of inspiration. I'll try to get my updates up soon.

Leave a review!

Chronos Astral


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